Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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