My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
