Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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