I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
