I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
there was a trapeze. enough said
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
