I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
