the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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