Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
honey bunches of taint.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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