yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
