i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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