i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
