Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
