Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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