I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im six kinds of drunk right now
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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