this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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