girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
