I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
