I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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