i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
