dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
