Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
