You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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