I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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