Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
