I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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