we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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