i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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