Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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