If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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