My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
