even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
