i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
