We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
