what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
