Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
