your parents love me but you hate me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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