My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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