You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
