I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
