are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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