Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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