I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
