Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
