You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
