The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
