batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
