so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
