I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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