Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
