guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Drunk is a universal language darling
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
